I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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