I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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