I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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