oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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