Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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