Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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