Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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