i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
