remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
