I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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