just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize