you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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