Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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