the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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