After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
