just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
