Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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