You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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