When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You're earring is so big in my mouth
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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