just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize