A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
