last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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