you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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