It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
