At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
