One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
