Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
