you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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