question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
