Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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