im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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