just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
