spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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