you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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