i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
