I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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