I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
