then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
