she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
