ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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