stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
