You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
