Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
