Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
