I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
