I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
