shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
