here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
