Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
