thus making me awesome and them whores
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Randomize
