Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize