were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
