I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize