Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
