It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
