It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize