I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
