I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
