a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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