OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
