Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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