Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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