Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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