OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
