Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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