Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
