Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
