shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize