I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
