Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
