Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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