so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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