this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
