Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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