finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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