I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
