wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize