i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
