How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
