how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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