no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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