This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is Oprah even human
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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