when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
