my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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