I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
two words...techno handjob
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
