But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
