there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
