how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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