I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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