i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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