How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Two words: blizzard sex
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
