Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just pee around me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
