Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
